Our oldest daughter drove off to school – on her own – for the first time yesterday. I felt like that young mom again, watching her child walk in to Kindergarten on her first day of school. I felt helpless and lonely, as she enthusiastically waved at me through the windshield. I watched her drive around the corner, and then I walked back in to the house. I’m not very good with change. Not when it’s the kind of change that tugs at my heart. SHE, however, was ready for this change. She really is a very good driver. She’s responsible and independent. She is young in her class, and so she’s probably the very last one of her friends to GET her license. I don’t worry excessively about her safety out there on the road. I mean, yes, I WORRY about that – But I don’t dwell on it. I’m not a worrying mother by nature, and I don’t like to get myself worked up about things I can’t control – like stupid drivers. We have prepared HER, and that’s all we can do.
However, I will miss being her driver. That’s what’s killing me. I have driven her to school every day since the first day of Preschool. For the past 2 years, I have had the privilege of driving her to school ALONE, without her brothers. You know how much talking and confiding takes place in those precious minutes?! I’m not going to lie that this will all be amazing and wonderful, once I get used to the idea. She has a demanding schedule! A regular day goes something like this: Take her (my 11th grader) to school at 7:15, Come back home and take my 8th grader to before-school practice, Come back home and take my 5th grader to school, Go pick up my 11th grader from school at 2:00, Come home, Take my 11th grader back to school for volleyball practice at 3:00, Come home, Pick up my 5th grader from school at 3:30, Pick up my 8th grader from school at 3:35 (or go to his game at 4:15), Pick my 11th grader up from practice at 5:00 (or go to her game at 6:00). And then, there is the Spring Schedule, when she is involved in Club Volleyball, and practices are in the evenings! It’s insane, really! But it’s been my job, and it’s been my pleasure.
I hope that my children will feel and understand how much I love being able to be there for them. I hope they know that they are not a burden. I take my role as mother seriously. I have such a short few years with them and I am really, really feeling the pressure of that reality. I feel the need to recommit myself to my role as a mother. I want to serve my children – not to BE their servant, but to be there FOR them. I want to teach them to be kind and selfless and good. I want them to know that families are the most important unit on earth and in eternity.
I love my family.
I being a mother.