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my husband is my hobby

I’ve always heard the saying, “If mama ‘aint happy, ‘aint nobody happy!” …. or something like that.  It’s pretty crazy just how much influence the mama can have in a home.  I certainly control the atmosphere of MY home, for good or for bad, much of the time.  Seriously, if I’m happy and loving, and I’m building my children up….. well wouldn’t you know it, they’re happy!  If I am sweet and flirty and complimentary to my husband….. you guessed it, he’s happy!  Funniest thing!

A few years ago I read the book, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” by Laura Schlessinger.  While Dr. Schlessinger does rub me the wrong way sometimes, I happen to agree with so much of what she professes.  She doesn’t stand for the “poor me… I’m a victim of a loveless marriage” scheme.  She, instead, empowers women with the truth that IF we want a better marriage, where we will get what we need (ie. love, affection, tenderness), it can all begin with us.  Men, by nature, are simpler than women in their emotional thought processes.  They crave and desire respect above all else.  That’s where we truly have the power!  If we can humble ourselves enough to display and express unconditional respect (ie. appreciation, appreciation, appreciation), even if we don’t currently hold those feelings, we CAN turn things around.  When men feel respected and appreciated, they respond with the tenderness and kindness that WE crave and desire.  I really, really believe that my husband WANTS to be this way towards me.  But when I am naggy, snotty, unappreciative, or with-holding (you know what I’m talking about, girls!), his man brain shuts down and the wall goes up!  Yes, I know that this is not a fool proof design, and I realize that there are some men who are beyond the reaches of this little experiment, but it is definitely worth trying out!

The title of this post, “my husband is my hobby”, is a saying that I borrowed from a good friend of mine.  The first time I heard her say those words, I was humbled!  I instantly felt guilt for not making my husband more of a priority.  Why shouldn’t he be my hobby?  That’s a good hobby to have!  He’s one of my greatest gifts and I need, need, need him! Our children need him!  He provides structure and discipline, council and leadership, safety and protection that I just could not provide on my own.  I think about the tremendous influence I can have on my children, too, as they see me give honor and respect to their daddy.  Every day of our marriage takes hard work.  Admittedly, there are days when both of us want to just have a break from marriage.  But it’s those things which require hard work and sacrifice that are most worth it! 

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