soap box

Why is it that the world tries to make us believe that we have to be a certain size, weight a certain weight, and look a certain way, in order to be beautiful and happy?  That’s just not fair.  It’s wrong! It is the adversary working through men, trying to make us feel that we are not good enough.

Unfortunately for me, I love food.  Food tastes good.  I love different flavors.  I love the crunch and the chew, the salt and the sweet.  I love how food keeps me busy, and sadly, I love the feeling of being full – even stuffed!  It’s a sickness, really; A sickness that many Americans have, and a sickness that is, for some, as big a problem as alcoholism or drug dependency.

While I don’t think that I have an actual eating disorder, I do know that I have a very bad attitude about food.  I am angry!  I am mentally weak when it comes to food.  Some days and some hours I can be strong and resist all the American “crap” that calls itself food, but most of the time I tell myself that no one call tell me what I can and can’t eat!  I tell myself that it’s the world’s fault that I eat like I do.  And I tell myself that others shouldn’t care either.  My bad attitude, my resentment, and my anger has been, for so long, based on what others think about me.  That’s silly, though, because, in reality, others don’t think of me at all.  Most everyone out there is too concerned with their own body image to even notice or care about mine.  Why have I focused for so long on what others think?  I want to take care of my body because I love myself!  I want to take care of myself so that I can feel good.  I want to take care of myself so that I can stop hiding, stop feeling angry, and stop feeling resentful.  I want to take care of myself as a gift to my sweet husband!  I want to feel happy and in control.  I don’t want to hide what I eat.  I want to set an example for my children and let them see me practice control and moderation.  I want them to see me as easy going, confident, interesting, patient, tolerant, and fun.  My bad attitude about food and body image has brought out a side of me that is unhealthy for myself and my family.  It is time to change – from the inside out.  It is time to find balance and control, and to learn to love myself again.


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